NHL95 Gazette

"Ask Ticklepuss where you want to be tickled"

AP NHL WIRE
•NHL Offseason: Trade Buzz Intensifies as Training Camps Near(Today)•Scouting Reports: Top Prospects Gear Up for Rookie Showcases(Today)•Free Agency Rewind: Big Summer Moves That Shifted Division Balance(Today)
HAPPENING NOW

W18 Exhibition Series: Segathon vs Unholy

Genesis Netplay showdown streaming live in #highlights.

Watch Live Stream →

Upcoming Events

DISCORD
June 28
8:00 PM

Trade Deadline

Rosters lock for playoffs. Final buzzer on all blockbuster trades.

★ 14 interested
July 01
7:00 PM

Draft Lottery

Ping pong balls decide franchise future.

★ 18 interested
July 05
12:00 PM

Free Agency Opens

High-stakes contract negotiations begin on the wire.

★ 12 interested
SPECIAL BULLETINToday

COMMISSIONER'S DESK: SEASON 40 PUCK DROP

All team managers are instructed to confirm their active rosters and check emulator netplay configs. Rulebook updates regarding manual goalies and crease violations are now in full effect.

— League HQ

Daily Discord Gazette Briefing

Today • Late Edition

GAELICGOPHER CLAIMS TO HATE CHINESE BUFFET VLOGGER (CONFESSES TO BINGING EVERY EPISODE)

Unholy Blindly Confirms Sabres Identity; Segathon Floods the Tape Room With High-Stakes Twitch Reels

★ Quote of the Day ★
"I can't view it, but yes that's me."
— Unholy (Confirming archival Sabres footage through pure aura)
CULINARY CONTROVERSY#cooking-with-puss

Late Night Buffet Rants

At 2:43 AM, GaelicGopher called out an anonymous Chinese buffet influencer as 'horrible' before immediately admitting to hate-watching the entire filmography.

Intercepted Audio Log:
[02:43] GaelicGopher: @segathon FYI, that Chinese buffet loser....he's horrible (and I've somehow watched every single episode)
HOT SCOOP#knightsvision

Sabres Classics Identification Incident

Segathon uncovered mystery vintage tape. Unholy confirmed it was 100% him on the ice without even loading the link.

Intercepted Audio Log:
[16:04] segathon: is this you @Unholy (https://x.com/SabresClassics/...)
[16:32] Unholy: I can't view it, but yes that's me.
TAPE ROOM#highlights

Segathon Drops Triple Twitch Bombshell

Three high-octane clips dropped in rapid succession featuring textbook manual goalie saves and cross-crease snipes.

📼 Tape Room Video Reels:
▶ HilariousHumbleCake▶ ProtectiveTangibleLlama▶ CrepuscularAltruisticSandwich
Intercepted Audio Log:
[13:15 - 13:23] segathon: Posted 3 Twitch highlight reels
LATE NIGHT INTEL#crib-notes-with-pinot-and-gummies

The Monday Night Detour

Under the influence of premium pinot and gummies, GaelicGopher declared 'Monday night de tour'. Scouts are analyzing the playbook.

Intercepted Audio Log:
[02:14] GaelicGopher: Monday night de tour